Arusi Network: Social Support for
African-American Christian Marriage
Introduction
A powerful dynamic that exists between married couples is the conscious and often unconscious mirroring of values that occurs when they interact with each other. Couples draw strength from other couples as they mingle. This subconscious social support may occur whether they are socializing together, doing community work, church or school activities, or just seeing each other in public. Whenever they are identifiable as couples, this powerful witnessing can exist between them.
Being around people who display similar values as our own, we are supported and encouraged, particularly when the setting is within a structured support group (Vaux, p. 285). Our own experiences in the Marriage Encounter movement have clearly revealed this dynamic to us.
After the Marriage Encounter weekend we attended in June of 1978, we joined a sharing group of "encountered" couples who met monthly. Over a period of seven years the size of our group varied from as many as ten couples to as few as three. We were a very mixed bag. While we all lived in the same general area, we differed in religions, ages, years of marriage, number of children, economic levels, races, and temperaments. Yet, regularly we came together to pray and discuss various issues pertinent to married life--issues that impacted us all in different ways.
At first, the idea of sharing personal stories from our marriage was very threatening to us. But, what we found in the group was an atmosphere of trust and acceptance that eased our openness. Certain "rules for sharing" were the accepted norms. The discipline of the group helped to keep us from overstepping lines of sensitivities and challenged us to be more open to each other. This kind of discipline enabled the Spirit to work miracles in our group.
In our ministry to marriage that has existed since 1978, my wife and I have found through personal experience and observation of those we minister to that marriages need PEPP (Lyke):
PRIMACY: Couples need assurances that their marriage is the primary relationship, above friends, extended family, and even children.
EMPOWERMENT: Couples need the necessary skills to build intimacy and develop the confidence that they are in a good and right situation, and that it can last.
PROTECTION: Couples need support systems to use as armor to shield them from the negative influences of the world.
PRAYER: Couples need spiritual support, a sense of connectedness in their marriage to a higher power. This is developed through an involved relationship with God through prayer and moral actions.
Though there are few differences in attitudes toward families based on race, African-Americans are significantly less likely to feel their marriages are harmonious, and significantly less likely to feel satisfied with their marriages (Cherlin). Because of systemic racism that permeates society, African-American families have more issues that impact the marriage than white families. Therefore, a concerted effort to bring primacy, empowerment, protection and prayer to Black marriages is warranted.
Common stressors in the community make African-American marriages more susceptible to poor marital quality (Broman). The salient stressors are derived from the general economic status of African-American men (Veroff).
How can a Church that recognizes the sacramental nature of marriage counteract the negativism that has relegated the notion of "'til death do us part" as a pipe dream for only the naive?
A broader agenda is the revitalizing of the African-American Family. I believe this can be done through the strengthening of the institution of marriage. This requires that those issues unique to African-Americans be addressed in an atmosphere conducive to the sharing of wisdom and mutual acceptance and support.
Unless black couples come together to support each other, this agenda may be forever deferred. I believe that the disciplined structure of the Marriage Encounter-style sharing groups and the agenda to revitalize the African-American Family through the strengthening of the institution of marriage fit like hand and glove.